


Deep In Thought

by Kiterie



Series: 100 themes [31]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-23
Updated: 2009-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-28 01:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/668590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/pseuds/Kiterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanabi could never measure up, no matter how perfectly she performed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deep In Thought

Hanabi twisted at her waist, her hands flying through the signs even as her foot came up to kick the bean bag away. Her chakra was perfectly focused, her eyes trained for every obstacle, every danger. Shifting her weight again, she smacked another beanbag out of her area, and then three more in quick succession. Every movement was fluid, quick, and completely confident, even as she swept into a low stance, panted, and smiled under the curtain of her dark hair.

"Well done, Hanabi," her father said, moving around her in his usual calculating manner, looking for faults. There were none, but he frowned anyway. "You should be faster, your cousin Neji was faster. You could be more graceful, too. Precision is important, but grace is neccessary. Perhaps you should train with your sister, she could use training. You're dismissed."

The moment he was out the door, a servant came in to clean the training room. Hanabi scowled and kicked one of the beanbags, sending it flying hard into a wall. It was one thing for her father to compare her to Neji; despite the insult of his being a branch family member, he _was_ Neji, and even she could admit he was better than her. It gave her something to aim for; she would be a better shinobi than him, she would surpass him, because she was a member of the main house, and that was simply how it worked.

But, she _had_ surpassed Hinata. She was an example to Hinata. And, it angered her to be treated as though, despite this, she couldn't measure up. It was even worse when her father complimented her in front of Hinata, with his scolding words as to how her sister wasn't as good. It made her blind with how angry she became over it. Because, she could see it then. The way he looked at Hinata. There was that disapproval, but there was something else, something she couldn't put to words, and it pissed her off.

She picked up another beanbag and threw it. The cloth weight slammed against the wall, leaving a discernable mark in the wood. Her muscles tensed even more, the anger pulling them tight. The scowl deepened, and she turned looking for another beanbag to throw, needing to release the frustration out on something. They were gone, all of them retrieved by the servant, who picked up the one she'd only just thrown and dropped it into the box before disappearing out the door.

Hanabi wanted to scream and couldn't, refused to. Instead, she shifted into her stance and flew through her family's kata. Her anger made the motions jarring, reminding her again of her father's words. _Grace._ She growled and flew through the kata again and again, faster and faster each time. Her movements were perfect, always perfectly precise. It was something she held even over Neji, that perfect timing, perfect calculation of movement, everything _perfect._ It made her slower, and she knew it; but she refused to think it made her less graceful. Grace _was_ precision... wasn't it?

Faltering, Hanabi collapsed on the floor, silent tears streaming down her face from the exertion. She wiped the tears away and tried unsuccessfully to push herself to her feet again. _'Why?'_ she wondered, _'Why am I not good enough? I'm better than her!_ The tears fell harder, turning to sobs.

"Hanabi-chan?" The voice was familiar and followed by soft, _graceful_ footsteps.

She refused to look up, even as Hinata knelt beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder before pulling Hanabi into her arms.

"Shhh... Hanabi-chan, it's alright," Hinata whispered, brushing the hair from her sister's face. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" she asked, quiet concern laced in the words.

Hanabi sniffled and buried her head against Hinata's shoulder, angry with herself for being so negative of her sister, angry at how she'd let herself fall apart, but mostly angry because it was Hinata who was comforting her. She didn't deserve the kindness, and she knew it, but she couldn't make herself pull away.

"It's okay, you don't have to," her sister whispered, pressing a soft kiss against her head. "I wish mama was still here, she always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better. She always knew what was wrong, too."

Hinata's words made Hanabi wish the same thing. She wished it because, from the way her sister spoke of their mother, Hanabi just knew her mother would have been able to help her find a way to live up to her father's expectations, how to stop resenting her sister and cousin. Her mother could make everything better. She knew because Hinata said so.

"She'd tell you it was okay and not to worry," Hinata said, her voice soft with memories. "And then, she'd tell you she loves you and she always will. She did love you, you know. You were her perfect, little Hanabi-chan, still are." Her sister pulled her closer, running a hand over Hanabi's back. "Even father can see that."

The words burned her pride, and Hanabi made a small noise of protest, irritated because she knew it wasn't true. It made her want her mother more, made her long for the promised unconditional love. "What was mama like, Onee-chan?" she asked, tilting her head up to look into the soft violet eyes.

Hinata smiled, and brushed the girl's hair back. "She was beautiful and kind with a grace that wasn't practiced..."

Hanabi's eyes widened slightly, the realization sinking in. _'He sees her, when he looks at you.'_ She forced herself to smile so as not to give away her thoughts. It made sense now. The way he criticized Hinata for everything and yet still seemed to see her above everyone else.

She'd always known Hinata looked like their mother, but she'd never understood the significance, had never realized it was more than appearance. It was strangely soothing to know. She no longer felt as though she was being compared to her sister, as though she had to live up her, because she knew now... her father was comparing her not to Hinata but to her mother. It was even more impossible an image to live up to, but she felt less alone now.

Shifting away, Hanabi stood and bowed. "Thank you, Onee-chan. I feel better now," she said, offering her sister a smile that was honest, a rarity for the serious child.

Hinata returned the smile with an even brighter one. "I'm glad I could be of some use," she said, rising. "Don't worry so much, whatever it is, just keep trying, you'll get it." Reaching out, Hinata laid a hand on Hanabi's shoulder. "I should go, my teams waiting. If you need anything, just let me know, alright, Hanabi-chan?" she said, smiling and heading out the door, the moment Hanabi nodded.

"I won't get it, you said it yourself, it's not something I can learn," she whispered to the empty room. It was okay, though, because knowing it wasn't something she could learn made it easier. It was like a bloodline limit; if you didn't have it, you could never learn it, no matter how hard you tried.

The fact made it easy to accept that it would never be. She would simply have to find a way to compensate, and while she wasn't graceful, she _was_ precise, and in time, she'd be fast. She'd turn the trait into something more than a skill, something her father would see and respect. It was better that way, she thought, because she wasn't cursed like Hinata with being too much her mother's child and never her own person.


End file.
